The Unfortunate Trouser Event
by TakeOut
Summary: Funny One-Shot containing Bella, Edward in some 'ridiculously tight boxers' and an inappropriate squirrel.


**Hey, this is my first fanfic, hope you like it. Please review, x. And I dont own Twilight. Obvs.**

Edward and Bella are walking in the woods going for a picnic, Bella is carrying a bag containing food.

EPOV

As we walked in a comfortable silence through the trees, I looked at Bella and at that moment when the sun shone of her hair and her eyes were in deep concentration, she was the most beautiful I had ever seen her. She caught me staring and immediately glared and raised her eyebrows at me.

"What were you thinking about love?"

"Oh, nothing much," came the reply.

"You know how much it annoys me to not know what your thinking, and then you frustrate me further by not telling me."

At that moment a loud shriek came from my angel and she dropped the bag suddenly and jumped back. My vampire speed meant I was able to catch the bag and ask what happened to Bella in about one and a half seconds. She answered by pointing at the bag, on which, a squirrel was clutching.

We both started laughing but all of a sudden, it jumped onto my foot and scurried rapidly up my leg to my knee, where it began to continuously thrust itself against me.

BPOV

I went into a fit of hysterics and I had tears streaming down my cheeks because of the look on Edwards face. The only way to describe it would be a cross between utter disbelief and pure disgust. Edward began shaking his leg violently to get the deranged animal to stop but this just seemed to make it more enthusiastic. By this point I was cursing myself for not bringing the video camera. Its times like these, the Cullens' like to have recorded.

EPOV

The damn squirrel just didn't seem to want to stop its frenzy and it sure didn't look like Bella was gonna help me. I thought frantically for a moment, searching for something I could do to get the animal off me. I reached into the bag, on which the squirrel had first made itself known to us, and pulled out a packet of crisps (bag of chips). I opened the bag swiftly and tipped the contents onto the leafy ground, hoping the animal would stop molesting me. It didn't seem to notice or was just not interested and kept up its _exercise._

"Urgh! Bella, what am I supposed to do? It wont let go."

"Just waft it off with your hand," she replied before exploding into more laughter.

"I'd probably kill the thing, I don't want to hurt it," I said. Its true, I don't like the thought of killing animals if I can help it, but if this bloody squirrel did not stop this obscene behaviour soon I would have to take action.

"You're going to have to take your trousers off," Bella instructed, now in a serious tone.

"Wha..?" was all I managed to get out.

"Well, if the squirrel wont release your trousers, then I see this as the only option." She smirked at the last bit, I'm sure she was enjoying my discomfort, or maybe it was the fact that in a moment or two I would be standing in front of her in my ridiculously tight boxers.

I bit my lip nervously and began to loosen my belt, as Bella sat down on a fallen tree.

"Er… Do you mind not watching me?" I asked. If I were human then I would be beetroot red by now.

"Oh I'm perfectly fine right here," she said casually.

I sighed and began to take off my jeans, when the squirrel stopped its provocative movements.

"Hey, its stopped!" I said joyfully but I was mainly thankful.

But then Bella ruined my happiness by saying, "I don't think you should get your hopes up, it still looks like its holding on pretty tight."

I groaned looking at the squirrel, and sure enough it didn't look like it was going to let go any time soon so I continued taking off my trousers.

BPOV

Edward had his jeans slung over one arm, still with the attached squirrel, and wore a sombre look on his face.

"I guess we're going back home then," I asked.

"Yes Bella I think that would be for the best," he answered me and started walking.

"Er Edward, what about that?" I asked, pointing at the dazed creature.

"Well what do you want me to do? Leave my jeans here?"

"Yes. You cant take a squirrel home to a house full of vampires."

"You know that Alice will kill you, she bought me these just last week," he smiled.

I could easily imagine Alice's face when she saw this scene in her head; us leaving a brand new pair of skinny jeans in the forest, just for some rodent. I started laughing and couldn't stop. This had been a very surreal afternoon.

I looked at Edward and told him, "You'll laugh at this later, you know you will. Hey, do you think Alice has already told everyone? I want to see the looks on their faces."

And with that, he swooped me onto his back and started running towards home.

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**Wow, thanks for reading. x**

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